Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
