no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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