That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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