Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
