Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
