it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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