It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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