I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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