Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Mom said you looked used
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize