Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize