We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
