...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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