and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
