You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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