she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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