the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
