one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
