just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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