So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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