goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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