Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize