Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
