im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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