On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have demons in me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
