I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
