Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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