1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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