yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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