It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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