i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
