i jhust puked up my retainher.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
