My sheets look like a crime scene.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize