Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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