the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
