He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
