i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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