i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
