the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
