Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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