I just threw up on my dentist
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
