This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
