I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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