Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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