I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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