Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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