the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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