I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize