shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
