I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
nutella sex= disaster
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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