I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
