Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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