I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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