When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
