mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
