I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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