I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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