Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
