my vag is so smooth its legendary
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
