we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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