We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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