you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
