Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
