Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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