can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
