The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
