so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize